This Just In, Charlie Brown Specials Are Not A Thing Anymore

You won't be able to see the Peanuts gang on regular t.v. this year, mostly because they suck and are outdated.

The annual announcements that the Peanuts specials aren't on regular t.v. anymore have started and why? I understand those maybe forty and older are fond of these t.v. "specials" because they grew up at a time when there were only three t.v. channels, so the one playing a cartoon at 7 p.m. was a big deal.

It's time to give it up grandad. Charlie Brown just doesn't cut it for kids. It moves too slowly. The subtext of the messages is too corny for kids. There aren't any explosions. I can't tell you what the kids want to watch for Christmas, but I can tell you that it's on TikTok and is probably about 30 seconds long.

Besides, who lets a kid spend the night in a pumpkin patch with just his blanket? Who doesn't realize that Charlie, in his constantly depressed state, needs a prescription for Lexipro? Why doesn't anyone question Lucy's psychology credentials?

Let's also talk about who didn't feel a little bit snookered with the giant religious message at the end of the Christmas special. There was a lovely message about acceptance and love and everyone coming together on an episode of "Pimp My Christmas Tree" and all of a sudden Charlie is droppin' bible verses like Snoop droppin' rhymes. I wanted to party, open presents, and dance with a dog. I sure didn't want to hear the churchy stuff.

If you are a fan of Charlie Brown and want to bore your grandchildren to death with a cartoon that came out 57 years ago (yep, 1965), have them show you the Apple+ app. The specials are on there now.